Are You Obsessed With Healthy Eating? Orthorexia.
I took a Body Trust online course a few months ago through Be Nourished. It had a significant impact on how I thought about my body, weight, diet, and exercise. I had gained a lot of weight in my early 40s, and no matter what I tried, nothing worked. However, I learned a lot about nutrition and exercise in the process.
I felt a lot of shame about my weight and the way I looked, and it hampered my ability to be seen in public. Throughout the day, my thoughts were consumed by exercise and walking as many steps as I could. I had a fitbit and the fitbit scales, and I was always thinking about food, exercise, and how to lose weight. I despised looking in the mirror and felt as if I wasn’t doing enough to lose weight.
When I took the Body Trust course, I realized how controlling my relationship with my body was. “We cannot hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love,” says one of the memes on their website. We live in a fat-phobic society, and we believe we can diet our way to losing weight and being the size we want to be while also having a loving relationship with our bodies. We can’t.
Body Shaming
Our society has dysfunctional values that lead us to believe we can control our weight if we just apply ourselves correctly.
I wanted to fit in so that I wouldn’t feel ashamed. I wanted to be invisible and not stand out, and being overweight made me feel like I did. I was concerned that I was attracting too much negative attention.
Eating Healthy
I knew a lot about food. I’d tried a variety of diets, all of which seemed to emphasize healthy eating. The Wheat Belly Diet, Paleo, the Plant Paradox, and Eating Right For Your Blood Type are all options. I tried each one. Nothing changed, but I told myself I was eating healthy, so I must have a slow metabolism, or my thyroid is affecting my weight, or it’s high cortisol from the earthquake stress.
I had excellent self-control. I could go no sugar, no wheat, no gluten, and I was always trying a new way of eating, importing foods from overseas, or scouring the country for ingredients. I had a plethora of vitamins and supplements.
Orthorexia.
Is the opposite end of the disordered eating spectrum. It’s a fixation on healthy eating. It can be both virtuous and elitist, shaming anyone who does not eat healthily. It’s very subtle because it appears that you’re taking excellent care of yourself. I justified myself by claiming that I was simply keeping up with the latest trends, such as the various chefs who had written healthy cookbooks. I was trying to improve my health. I place a great deal of pressure on myself to eat perfectly. My best friend had died of pancreatic cancer, which terrified me. I gave food a lot of power over me, and I was very particular about what I ate.
Control
On the course, I learned how to remove the shame from eating and my obsession with my size and weight. I realized I was also obsessing over exercise in an unhealthy way. My fit bit and scales were sold. I was terrified of ceasing to think about exercise and food. I was afraid I’d become a fat slob, that I’d eat everything in sight, that I’d lose control.
However, the problem was one of self-control. It was all based on fear and was extremely rigid. When you restrict your food intake, even if it is just eating strictly healthy, your body goes into survival mode, and as part of that, your brain begins to make you obsess about food and all the foods you begin to crave. It ensures your survival and encourages you to eat more than a restricted diet.
